I’m about to review a book that I’ve not read, and that I have no intention of reading.  The book is Eligible by Curtis Sittenfeld – a modern, American retake on Pride and Prejudice.

Without further ado, I give it no stars.

This is entirely, but I feel reasonably, based on a conversation I had with a colleague at work that went something like this:

Day One

[As soon as she arrives at work, Anika runs up to my desk waving Eligible in front of me.  She is very excited].

‘Have you read this?  It’s great! I’ve been reading it on the train and I was laughing the whole time’. [Which is quite a statement as she lives west of Timbuktu and has to commute for hours every day].  ‘IT IS HILARIOUS.  Everyone else on the train thought I was mad, but I couldn’t stop laughing out loud.  Mr Bennett is a hoot’.

Day Two

‘This book has really gone downhill…..  Get this – Liz Bennett was out jogging and she bumped into Darcy so they went back to her apartment and THEN HAD HATE SEX’.  [At this point, my heart actually stopped beating. I am rendered speechless].   ‘It’s probably still worth a read for Mr Bennett; he has the best lines’.

Day Three

‘I’m so annoyed I spent money on this book! Really disappointing.  I’m not diametrically opposed to bringing a book into the modern age, but there is only so much you can throw at a book to make it modern.  The only thing missing from this plot was a terrorist attack!  This is the worst by far of all the books in The Austen Project’.

Dear Unsuspecting Reader, please heed Anika’s journey of disappointment. I know I shall – she had me at ‘hate sex’.